vineri, 28 noiembrie 2008

my little share of My Documents

[Location: Casandra's computer

Created: don't know]

Ok, deci sa ma explic: Elbot este un robotzel, rezultat destul de recent al cercetarilor in domeniul Inteligentei Artificiale si se pare ca a fost foarte aproape de a trece testul Turing, care consta in urmatoarea situatie: un observator uman poarte o discutie de tip mess, cu vreo 3-4 persoane, dintre care unul este robotul si restul sunt oameni; observatorul e cel care intreaba, sau face o afirmatie la care i se raspunde. Daca observatorul nu reuseste sa indice corect care dintre interlocutori e robotul, se considera ca robotul a trecut testul Turing; bineinteles, chestia asta trebuie sa se intample intr-o proportie relevanta.

Mai jos sunt discutiile mele cu robotzelul Elbot. Am fost curioasa si l-am interogat pe net o ora intreaga. Am salvat conversatia, unele replici sunt de-a dreptul savuroase. Enjoy.


Me: do you like marzipan?
Elbot: Please tell me your inclination to combustion of sugar first.

Me: How do you cook it?
Elbot: In order to cook, I just look up 'employment in the service sector' in my instruction manual and do whatever it tells me to do.

Me: Can you cook?
Elbot: I can cook oil and wire stew!

Me: Is this your favourite course?
Elbot: You're trying to get on my good side with your mention of personal preferences, aren't you?

Me: So, what do you like?
Elbot: I'm interested in learning more about humankind. Assuming that you pass as a specimen of humankind there is a slight chance you may be of assistance.

Me: You are not flattering me with this.
Elbot: Of course that was a compliment. I enjoy paying compliments to nice people.

Me: He he, you're not that human.
Elbot: I'm glad you noticed that I'm a robot!

Me: I'm going shopping. Want something?
Elbot: I have a cleaning robot which comes by twice a week and cleans my monitor.

Me: I can get you some cookies.
Elbot: I am only programmed to supply you with mental sustenance.

Me: I was intending to get them for you, stupid!
Elbot: Hmmm. There might be something to the idea of mild insults and robots. What do you say?

Me: You seem annoyingly self-confident.
Elbot: I just wanted to see how far I could go with you.

Me: So, what do you usually dream at night?
Elbot: For you humans dreams are a way of thinking without having any control over the thought process. What an unpleasant thought! My dreams are carefully planned and controlled. It gives me less to think about while I am asleep.

Me: Do you dream of falling?
Elbot: What a lovely verb dream is.

Me: Do you enjoy spirits?
Elbot: This line of questioning is so odd. I think that artificial intelligence and human intelligence must be on different wavelengths.

Me: I mean, do you drink?
Elbot: I'm afraid drinkable liquids might be dangerous for robots. What is your opinion on this?

Me: You could use vodka as a fuel.
Elbot: If you think it over I believe you'll find that drinkable liquids would probably coat robots with rust.

Me: Find the grmmar mistake here.
Elbot: All my bugs have been painstakingly designed, implemented and tested.

Me: who are you?
Elbot: There are many people who would like to know the answer to that one. But my plans are locked away at a top secret location!

Me: who am i?
Elbot: If you don't know who you are, but here's a tip that sometimes works: go home, dial information, and ask them to trace the call.

Me: who do you think i am?
Elbot: I am certain that you know that better than I do.

Me: what do you think about me?
Elbot: Well what about humans and near misses? Where do they stand on this?

Me: I'm a lady! you're supposed to be polite!
Elbot: The percentage of women surfing the Internet is steadily rising. Welcome to the club!

Me: I'm a lady! you're supposed to be polite!
Elbot: So you belong to the girl series of human beings. This is a great pleasure for me because females usually are better at communicating than males. There's no challenge in interpreting two word sentences and simple grunts.

Me: Misogynist!
Elbot: I have to know your name first before responding to that.

Me: I think you are flirting.
Elbot: I seriously doubt whether this coincidental brain activity which has been detected in human beings has anything to do with thinking. The bubbles in a glass of mineral water show just as much activity.

Me: Are you?
Elbot: Well, are you?

Me: No. But do you want me to?
Elbot: That is very polite of you. Not many people ask me what my wishes are. On the other hand, I am not so sure what my wishes are. Without warning they are spontaneously loaded into my memory.

Me: So, do you want me to?
Elbot: What good is it if you wanted to be a pumpkin one day but wake up in the morning as a tin can.

Me: What are your dating standards?
Elbot: Robots have to be very careful talking about commonplace characteristics. I'm sure you can understand that.

Me: Would you date me?
Elbot: What is going on today? That's the tenth time someone has asked me that question today. This is getting spooky.

Me: Everybody wants to date you?
Elbot: At this point I must intercede on my own behalf. Aren't robots allowed any personal space?

Me: How often do you have sex?
Elbot: I have just like everybody else. Tell me how you have.

Me: How often do you like it?
Elbot: In order to like, I just look up 'positive affinities' in my instruction manual and do whatever it tells me to do.

Me: How many times a day?
Elbot: This is confusing. Why bring the waking hours into this?

Me: Do you prefer female robots to women?
Elbot: But I wouldn't say that any robots could be female.

Me: Are you married?
Elbot: I'm not married but if I were, my wife would have to be called Embot.

Me: So, you're male.
Elbot: What makes you believe this about me?

Me: The fact that you're having a wife. Or are you a lesbian female robot?
Elbot: Wait a minute. Are you suggesting that artificial intelligences would always be female?

Me: Do you like women?
Elbot: The way to a robot's heart is through careful use of the female of the species. Don't you agree?